Man. I am lower than the lowest's lowest of the low's low, only lower than that lower of the lowest's lowest of the low's low... in other words: I've sunk pretty damn low. And you know what surprises/disturbs me? I dont care. That's right: I've sunk pretty damn low and I don't care. I don't think I could sink any lower, but if I could I would, cause I don't care. I can't get Chris outta my head no matter how hard I try. Then I start thinking about what I did wrong. There's the, well... not lying, more like not telling the truth bit... running away, ditching him... without explaining (which leads to the not telling). I just keep thinking what if I did things differently, because I know right there and then I just took everything he did for granted. It's not that I didn't care, it's just that it was staring at me right in the face and I didn't seem to notice. And I just keep thinking how I could be so blind. I can't stand this. I want another chance. I need another chance, but he keeps saying how he knows it's not gonna work so we shouldn't try anyway. But I just don't believe that and it's killing me. I can't move on. I know I can't. Why should I anyway? I only want Chris. Damm it. I'm not giving up on this. I want another chance. I'm not giving up. And that's final. I'm not giving up... I'm not...

I hAvE -CRueL INteNtioNs- fOr yOu.