On the last spur of the minute, Chris asked me last night if I wanted to go to the House of Blues tonight because there's some bands performing, but the only reason I really wanted to go was because of Fyto, because Chris said he was going.
So I decided to ask my mom last night. Originally, I had decided to ask her the next (or today) day. I don't know what made me change my mind, I guess I just wanted to get it over with. I'm just like that, I'd rather know what the answer is, rather than feeling nervous for a whole day and not knowing the answer.
So my mom went ballistic and talked a little about how I'm still friends with Chris or something. She wasn't exactly yelling, but I knew she was angry. Then, she asked me if I learned nothing from the last experience and about how I was crying and stuff. But she doesn't understand that we're only friends now, it seems. There's a lot of things she doesn't understand I guess, and that has to do a lot with the fact that I never really tell her the whole story.
I mean, I thought about if I should tell her about the real reason I wanted to go, I wanted to spend time with Fyto, but man, my mom went on and on about Chris and how I'm repeating patterns and crap. I don't know, if I said I was going to hang out with Fyto, she'd have a whole new set of questions and arguements so I just kept my mouth shut.
She did point out some interesting things to me that I'll need to keep in my from now on. Sometimes I feel compeled to do things that I wouldn't normally want to do just because I feel this pressure from Chris and I only ever get this feeling from Chris, and I don't want that anymore. I didn't really realize this until now, so I'm glad my mom pointed it out. I don't want to feel like I have to please Chris and do what he wants me to do, so you know what, if he doesn't like my actions, don't be friends with me. I don't want to feel forced to do something by someone that's my friend. Friends are supposed to support each other no matter what.
Anyway, she went on and on about this and as always she gave me a whole bunch of analogies. I did listen to most of them, though I was annoyed because I wanted to go to sleep but it seemed that she didn't want me to go because she wouldn't shut up about the lecture...
Anyway, when I came home today and my mom thought I was a little sad, she said that I could go despite that she wasn't happy about it. That really sucks. I don't like it when they do that, because if they don't let you go, at least you can not go and hate them, but if they say you can go, but they're not really happy about it, then it's like if you go, they're not happy, if you stay you're not happy and you can't really be mad at them because they said you could go. Man, I hate that, that sucks...
Well, I decided I wanted to go, because I know how rare it would be to hang out with Fyto. He works a lot because he has to help support the family. He has 2 sisters, and yeah, the mom's there and the dad works, but still... Anyway, Chris calls at around 5:45 I guess and tells me that Fyto is not coming and he has to work and I say to Chris, well if he's not going then I'm not. Then I overheard Chris arguing to Fyto telling him to come and Fyto said he couldn't because he couldn't cancel. He didn't know he had to work and it was in 2 hours and it was too late to cancel. I could tell Chris was really pushing him and Fyto was really frustrated, I've been noticing that side of Chris more and more lately. Like, he's so pushy, you know?
I know Fyto is nothing like Chris because Chris told me so himself. Fyto tries and shit so he cares. I could tell that he really wanted to go when I was able to talk to him on the phone for a few seconds today. So I know that Fyto would never make me do anything I don't want to do, unlike Chris... Basically, Fyto is not pushy, not like Chris. Also, while Chris and I were talking about going yesterday, I mentioned that the tickets were expensive (7 dollars) and he said Fyto would pay for me, and that kind of made me wonder. Chris would never do that; I don't think he would do that even if I said I'll go if you pay for me, 'cause I know how he wanted me to go and shit, but I guess to him, I'm not worth 7 dollars. And especially since I hardly know Fyto, then he must either 1-like me, or 2-is just nice like that. I don't know about one, but I'm pretty sure two is correct, because I've done stuff like that. Sometimes I don't think money is a big deal to me.
Anyway, Chris said that Fyto's not coming and I said then I'm not going. And then he said "fine," I think, and he hung up. I think he was angry at both of us, but I didn't really care. I doubt he even noticed I wasn't there tonight, and I knew I wouldn't have a good time with Chris and his other friends. I can't stand most of Chris' friends, and plus they ignore me. I would only be accompanying Chris and he's not all that, especially since when he hang up, he didn't really seem to care about how I felt, so whatever.
My mom came a little later because she heard all the phone calls and they stopped and stuff and she asked me if I was gonna go and I said no. And then she yelled out, "Yatta, ne?!" which basically means "You did it, huh?!" in Japanese. Of course, I thought she was celebrating for all the wrong reasons, even in the beginning I didn't really want to go because of Chris, I only wanted to hang out with Fyto really. And my mom doesn't see that. My mom thinks that I'm still running after Chris and I guess having her think that is better than having her think I'm running after a friend of Chris, because I could only think what she would say if she thought I liked Fyto, because my mom is so critical like that. She won't like the fact that Fyto is 20 or that he smokes (I don't like it either... but you know...) or that he's poor. I'm not even sure she'd like the fact that he's Mexican. I hate it when my mom's like that. Why can't she just accept who I like? It's not like I plan to get into anything serious with Fyto. I'm just looking for a little fun.
Anyway, my mom underestimates me, but I think sometimes she hits me on the spot without realizing it, or maybe she does know, but doesn't say it. Anyway, we've both got our secrets and that's that. I still hope I'll get to hang out with Fyto at the beach, but I don't know if that's happening. I hope I get to talk to him soon... that's it for today.
Later babes. ;)