I was talking on the phone with Alex last night, all the way till 4am. Yeah, this is the same Alex I mentioned two entries ago, where I was a little angry about how he sang a bad song about me. We hit it off really well, I'm actually quite surprised. He doesn't seem like the type of guy I could talk to all night and want to talk to more. I kinda still wanted to talk to him, but it was getting really late. He said he would call me again tonight.
During the phone call, we talked a good chunk about Chris. He asked me like why I put up with his shit or why I let him treat me like I do. And I couldn't give an answer to him. I don't know, I think I've learned a lot about the way people act from Alex and I think I was completely wrong about a lot of things. Like, I felt that Chris didn't treat me well sometimes, but I never realized how bad it actually was. And even though my mom warned me, it just isn't the same as hearing it from a friend of his. It makes me feel so embarrassed. I have to be strong now. That phone call changed a lot of my perspective. I think this is good for me, it's kind of like psychiatric help, but I'm not crazy, you know?
And about the whole singing thing, he told me that he was angry but he's over it. He said that he knew what was going on, and he didn't think it was completely my fault, but it is. It's because I'm weak in the knees and I can't say no. But I have to change, because I can't keep living like this. I'm tired of putting up with Chris' shit, that's the only reason he came back, because he knew that I would put up with his crap and he thought it would be fun. I mean, I doubt he really realizes this, but he does operate like that. I'm just so sick of dealing with his shit. I need to stand up for myself.
I also realized that a lot of Chris is all talk. There's certain things he'll say that's true, but there's also things that he exaggerates. I noticed that, because Alex helped me realized it. There were a lot of little things I missed. Alex also said that Chris doesn't know what love is, or love Alyssa. He's just with her for the sex. I wonder if Chris realizes that though, or if he really does believe he loves her. I like what Alex is saying, because that way, it would make a lot more sense. His actions are justified. The thing with Chris is, I could never figure him out, and that always frustrated me. I'm just through with all this shit.
On a totally different subject, I went out a little today to buy some things, and while I was at the book store, I saw that DN Angel manga came out over here, in English. So I read through the first book. I read the whole first volume, the only one that was there, and afterwards I felt so happy and great, all smiles and everything, because I love reading mangas, they're fun, but then a few minutes later, I started feeling sad because I was coming back to reality. I've always been this way. I love reading books or watching a really good movie, because I get so lost in them. I'm involved in the movie and I don't think about reality, and once I stop reading or watching the movie, I come back to reality and I hate what I have to deal with. I mean, is it that bad? No, but I still hate it, and I wish that I could live in that little dream world forever, because I wish my life was like a movie. At least then, I would basically have one problem to deal with, and that'd be that, but unfortunately, life is not like that and that sucks.
*Sigh* There's nothing more to say. Bye babes.