Gosh, it's been 5 days since I last updated. You know, I just have no motivation whatsoever. I mean, I love my fans and all, but lately, I just haven't been into diaryland at all. I've actually been kind of obsessed over my Xanga. So, I guess you can read that if you're overly interested in what's been going on with me lately, although it's not the same because I don't talk about how I feel really.

I think that for this whole year I've been looking for someone to talk to, but I wasn't able to find anyone, so I talked here, but lately, I feel like there's actually people to talk to. Generally, the people that write here, I'll bet half of them are here because they can't turn to humans for support, but me, I don't really care anymore. There's a few people I can talk to, and if not, then I don't really care.

I was right though, Cousin does like me... he told me not to call him that anymore... Ha! I wonder why... So I'm calling him K. I don't want to explain this either, so just bare with it. Unfortunately, I don't like him anymore. Now, I just think it feels weird. He asked me to prom and I did say yes though.

Things have been weird with Eric. My friend, Lin and I like both like him... along with a whole bunch of other people. I'm trying to stop liking him because I don't think that's what I really want. You know what's stupid about me? I can never like the right guys! There's always something wrong with them that keeps me from being or wanting to be with them, even if I like them or something. Am I crazy or what? I wanted a boyfriend 5 days ago, but now I completely changed my mind. Boys suck, end of story.

I have been trying really hard to be friends with certain people though, and I really wish I wouldn't. I might end up regretting it. Remember how I was having those dreams about Jason? I had another one a couple of days ago, I'm still not sure what it means, but today I had a really long talk with Jason about things in general, and we got to know each other and stuff... It was really nice. Fuck, sometimes I'd give anything for Jason to open up to me, but fuck, I am not gonna push it out of him. I want him to come to me, but I know he's not gonna. I don't know why I bother. I guess it's in my nature.

And dang it, I wanna be close friends with Eric too. I hate it. I hate this feeling like I have to be like the person he confides in all the time... I hate it... Dang, and now we're back to Eric. Ok, change of subject.

I forgot if I told you this last time, but AP tests are over! I'm kind of happy and sad at the same time. I'm happy, obviously you know why, but I'm sad because no more excuses to hang out at the library with friends and pretend to study.

Oh dang, I have to mention Eric again... but only because a bunch of friends and I including Eric and Lin went out to see Kill Bill 2. Yeah, I finally went out and saw the movie. I absolutely loved it. Other people were there, but I'm too lazy to mention them since you don't know them anyway. Let's see... then we went to Nickel Nickel, this arcade place. That was a lot of fun too. I wanna go there again sometime soon. That was about it for the day. Last Friday was so much fun...

Well, with that friends, I leave you here. I don't know when my next update will be... whenever I feel like it. Cya.