Let's see... Ever since I've got much of a life off the computer, I haven't been writing very much in here. Nowadays, I forget what is even the point of writing in here anymore. I never write anything interesting or worth reading... I mean, when I come back to read this in a few years, I doubt that I would find any of what I've been saying lately interesting or significant...
I was thinking about being friends with Nancy again lately, but then I also think why bother? I guess, I just hate so much that we ended on bad terms, the fact that we can't even say "hi" to each other really bugs me. Why can't we even say "hi"? Then again, if I said that I wanted to be friends again, that's like saying I want her back or I was wrong, and that's not the message I'm trying to send. I hate these nostalgic days where I keep thinking about this kind of stuff... but I do not know why or even understand it... I just wish it would stop.
I guess the whole thing was kind of brought upon by seeing Eric talking to Nancy. God, I wish I would stop being so jealous and "overprotective". It's not really that I am overprotective, but I just feel like she has no right to be friends with him... fuck, I'm sure she sensed these feelings before and that's what made her feel like she didn't belong with me... or out of place. I wish things didn't have to change like that. Fuck, you know sometimes, I just want the friendship back again, so I could talk... but I wouldn't want to hang out with her, because that's what lead to the things that came. I've always believed in that if things don't work the first time, then it's not likely that it will work out the second time, so why do I bother? Why am I so filled with this hope that I feel? It's because of my human nature and I wish it wasn't like this. I wish I could forget. I hate dwelling on these things.
I wish that I didn't have a crush on Eric. Maybe I would look at things differently. Maybe that jealousy wouldn't have come back. Maybe I wouldn't have thought about this. Maybe it wouldn't be so hard.
I've been thinking about doing like a little autobiography lately from my website... which I really should update, by the way... but been too lazy and not really enough time I guess, since I've had to start sharing the computer with my family.
I don't know anymore... with that, I leave you here. I hope everyone is doing well, or at least okay. I'm still thinking of you all. Maybe one day I will come back and write daily updates again.
Life has just changed I guess and I've been too busy I suppose... *sigh*