Sorry about yesterday's ranting. And forget my friends paragraph, I was just particularly pissed at someone that reminded me of how I can be an awful friend sometimes. I hate it when I feel that way, because I know it's my fault and I let people down... but then it's not because they are the ones that expected something from me... I'm sorry that I can't really talk about this on here... Just, don't worry about it...

I guess, it's not really that I don't want to write in here, it's just that I don't know what to write about. It seems lately that there isn't anything significant to write about in here and that's why I don't want to write. There are many things that come to my mind about what I could write about, but it seems like they're all petty things that do not need to be written... but then the thing is, they're not. They are the things that I normally would've written before. Maybe I'm just getting too tired of explaining things.

Saturday, I was going to go to the beach, but that didn't happen. Instead, I ended up going to a swimming pool to swim with Gautam, Eric, Jason, Jason's cousin/nephew, Richard, and Susan, who actually didn't even swim. Afterwards we crashed at Gautam's house, where we watched Big Fish. It seemed like a good movie, but I was so tired from not getting much sleep and the swimming, that I fell asleep a few times and missed some parts. It was still pretty good, overall.

I think I might have a crush on Jed, but it's different this time. Last time, I was emotionally involved, and maybe I liked Jed, but it wasn't only that, I felt the effects and perhaps I was in love with love, which made the effects even more heightened. This time, it's more of a mental crush. Like, I get this feeling that being with Jed would be a "right" relationship. Mentally, it feels right... does that make sense? I tried to explain this concept to Susan, and it really took awhile. I don't think a mental crush is something I can explain. You just have to experience it for yourself.

I was a little broken hearted to find a very nonchalant response from Jeff. All I said was that I missed him, but he did not say it back. Maybe I am reading too much into it, but I just don't think so. I think he's trying to avoid that kind of contact with me. I guess I will just have to learn to live with that. I made that decision in the first place, and I cannot back out of it like that. I'm going to go eat now because I am hungry and I'm done here.