I slept at 3AM last night, because I was talking to Jason. Though, when he left, I was wondering if Stacey would come online because she's on in the morning, but it didn't happen and I was too tired to stay online. I didn't wake up until 2:30 today so I wasted most of the day away. Don't know if I'd ever get to talk to Stacey, the timing is just bad... oh well... It's okay, sis, I still love you tons. :)
Well, what's so amazing is that Jason and I talked for about 2 hours and 30 minutes. Our conversations are usually about 30 minutes each, generally even shorter than that. It was because he brought up diaryland again. He asked me what I wrote in it and he said that he hasn't looked. Then I talked about bad mouthing friends and things like that and that's why I didn't want him to read it... because there was 2 reasons, one was Gayle and the other was Jason. I'm not sure how Jason takes to bad mouthing... he doesn't seem like the type of person that would take to it, so I never talked shit about anyone to him. We ended up talking about Gayle and how I felt about her and I found out that Jason thinks a lot like I do about her... except that I dislike her moreso.
Then after that...
Serge76982: Is this what you wrote in your diaryland thing that you didn't want me to read?
darkanGelz5: ...
darkanGelz5: I did write about *Gayle*
Serge76982: Anything else?
darkanGelz5: Yeah
And then I told him how I felt, about how I was getting bad vibes from him and that "we've known each other for a long time and we've been friends for a really long time and I guess [that] sometimes I feel like you're a lot closer to other people than with me... and I guess that gets to me."
And the only thing he said that really reassured me was "I think you're like one of the people who know me best." I guess I'd wish that he reassured me more, but he's Jason, saying even that is a lot I guess. I was surprised because I don't know... I wasn't expecting it I guess. It surprised me but... I guess to some degree, it didn't. What was more surprising to me was he said this about the twins:
Serge76982: what the heck do the twins know about me?
Serge76982: I drive them places
Serge76982: big fuckin' whoop
Jason has known the twins since probably kindergarden and I've only known Jason since 6th grade. I'm really surprised that Jason would say something like that, but then Jason also said that he's comfortable around Eric.
Serge76982: I feel more comfortable with Eric because we mostly just have fun and stuff...
Serge76982: just music, jokes, thomas is a faggot
Serge76982: and when he has problems, of course like with other friends, I'll do my best to help out
Maybe it's not really about how long I know him. I wonder if Jason's more open or close with Eric than with me. I guess it's understandable, because for awhile we didn't really talk... and until about the beginning of last school year, I though Jason and I would further drift until we didn't really speak. He really surprised me when he started IMing so frequently about little things. At first, I even thought he liked me... I guess he has kind of grown on me. Then we talked about other things... like what happened Friday that got me so pissed off at Gayle... which I will tell you about in the next entry probably...
Then...
Serge76982: Is this what you were so afraid for me to read?
darkanGelz5: yeah...
darkanGelz5: do you want to read it?
Serge76982: nah I guess
darkanGelz5: ok
Serge76982: actually
Serge76982: ...
darkanGelz5: lol
Serge76982: sure
So he read the entry...
Things are pretty good between us now... but now that I look back on it, I wonder what made me get those bad vibes in the first place. I wonder if I was reading too much into it, or what? It's confusing and I don't really get it. I don't think I ever will... It's just one of those things... I'm just glad Jason and I are back to normal. Jason means a lot to me, despite my trying to lie to myself that he doesn't.