The memories from my dream are slowly leaving, but I can still recall that feeling I had in it and even after. It's been almost two weeks since I've stopped having dreams of Jeff, but they returned again this morning. And then again, it was totally unexpected... and to be honest, this time, I really liked the dream. I enjoyed... I wished that it was real, so badly. It was a little different from the other ones. The other ones felt like it was fun, but in this dream, everything felt so right and everything seemed to fall in place...

The dream started out weird, and I'm not even sure when exactly it is that I saw him and started talking to him. It felt like I'd known him before because I talked like I did. We were here, in Norwalk... and Cerritos, on Bloomfield (this street), where we picked him up... from who knows where? We went over to Susan's house for some reason, but it didn't look like her house. On top of that, there was a bunch of relatives at Susan's house, so I don't know how that fits in.

And then I went into a room... I think the den. And after awhile, Jeff joined me and sat next to me. I don't know what we were sitting on, but I know it was some kind of chair or sofa... After awhile, I remembered something and it was that when I saw Jeff, I'm supposed to hug him, and I didn't do that yet. So I reach my arms out to hug him and I found myself holding on to him by his chest and back and I rested my head on his shoulder. At first, he was surprised, and he said something, but I don't know what. Then I heard him say something to Susan about how it's nice that I'm resting on his shoulders and girls like doing that... something like that, anyway. That moment just felt so right. I felt like it was real and even though I knew that we weren't together, everything else was screaming that we were. Everything in that moment just describes everything that I feel for him.

Then he said I should take a nap in that position... I tired, but it didn't work... (can you take a nap in a dream?) Well, then he got a phone call from somebody, but the connection was bad and he got disconnected so I told him to go outside and call that person back. What was weird was that, I called him Eric... That was my first response, and I stopped myself for a second in my thougths and knew it wasn't Eric, but I ended up saying it anyway... when I tried to correct myself, I said Jason... and that was purely an accident, but finally I said the right name. It didnt' seem like he took offense to it, but I wonder why he didn't seem to care in the dream... or could it be that he does care and was pretending?

While he left, I wanted to tell Susan who that was, but for some reason, I couldn't do it. I don't know why... it was just this feeling that prevented me from telling her... I really don't get that at all... Then I think suddenly, we were outside and I was sitting on this patio/pool chair, those ones were you can lie down to get a tan. He sneaked up behind and put his around me. I was so surprised, and in more ways than one.... but I absolutely loved it - that he felt like I did.

Everything about the dream was sad and regretful. The whole mood was shattered by waves of tension. Yet on some level, like I said... everything felt so right... if only I didn't feel that tension... and if only I didn't feel that, but I guess if that wasn't there, it wouldn't have been as real...

Here's daily dirt:

1. Do you have a crush? Yes, more than one.

2. Do you think you're in love right now? No.

3. Have you told that person you loved them? I did... I have before.

4. Does the person know you have a crush on them or are in love with them? No.

5. What do you look for in a love/crush? Sense of humor, craziness and fun, great smile and nice eyes.