I found out today that Eric has been mad at me this past week... since Thursday (the 22nd, not 29th). I am pissed off because I thought I told Eric that if he was pissed at me, that he could tell me, but he didn't. He kept it to himself for over a week, and finally I asked him yesterday if he was mad at me and he told me, but since he has a bad memory, he doesn't even remember why he's angry anymore. That really pisses me off. I constantly tell people that if I've pissed them off, they should just tell me, but he didn't. Eric doesn't know me at all, and I was wrong to think that I could trust him. Maybe, I was moving in way too fast, like my friendship with Melinda.
Anyway, on another note, yesterday, my mom and I had a chat in the car. Every time I talk to her nowadays, I have trouble not crying. We were driving to my modeling class, and she said all these negative things about me. It all hurt so bad. I don't really remember what she said now, it all seems like it was a blur, but it's always the same kind of conversation with her anyway. She says something negative, asks me a question that I don't know how to answer. I say "uhmm..." or "I don't know" and she gets mad at me. "What is 'uhmm' supposed to mean?" "What do you mean, you don't know?" Or if I say "ok", then she goes into a rant about how lazy I am, that that's the only energy I have - to say "ok". Every time she says something like that, it hurts... it hurts so much, and I don't think that she understood that...
During my class, my mom talked to my teacher and when we got into the car and was driving back, my mom kept pointing out that maybe the things that she does weren't a good idea, like the fact that she never seems to be proud of me for anything I do, although, she says that she is, she just wishes that I were better than what I already am. I don't think that my mom is that bad, compared to some of the asian parents out there that I've seen, but sometimes when she nags at me nonstop for days, it starts to get to me. I don't know why she can't just leave it alone. I like most of the way I am. And the parts that I want to change, I do try to anyway, without her saying. Then she said that maybe she's been putting too much pressure on me, and then I felt like crying, because I wanted to scream out, YES! So I had to look up in order to stop the tears from spilling. When she asked me if that was true, I think I said "sometimes." I couldn't bring myself to say yeah, because then she would ask me why I've been feeling like that, and I wouldn't know how to answer to that.
I'm going to be starting SAT classes tomorrow, so I won't have much time for updates or reading other people's updates. If you would like to keep track of what's going on in my life, read my blogger, because I'll probably update in that more.