I still don't know if I got that ticket or not, so I hope the prayers are still going around. At this point, I'm not really worried. I figure there's no point in worrying because what's done is done. I have spoken to this guy, Rick, I'm not sure if I've mentioned him, but he's Melinda's friends with benefit guy... It's a rather sad way to describe him, but that's what's been going on with them. Rick's 19 so he knows about traffic and stuff. I feel better after talking to him, even though his opinion that I'm safe is somewhat biased. Still... it seems that logically, I'm ok.
Well, I don't want to ponder over that anymore. I'll know for sure by next Monday, so I'll leave it at that. Actually, not even for sure Monday. I'll probably be worried all next week... 'cause you know, sometimes the post office's mail is delayed. Whatever.
I watched two movies tonight... 13 going on 30 and The Prince and me. 13 going on 30 was a really cool movie. I thought the ending really sucked. I totally hated the way things ended when Jenna was 30... it wasn't a happy ending, but the very, very ending, that turned out to be a happy one, but way too unrealistic. I think they should've just cut that part out because it leaves nothing for the imagination of the viewers. The story is just given to you, straight out. I'm pretty dumb, but jeez... I'm not that bad!
When I first heard about The Prince and me, I never really wanted to see it. It didn't really catch my attention... It seemed like your average romance movie, with uncanny circumstances, but with a horrible grammer error in the title (the correct way should be the prince and I). I liked how the movie started, but it moved along really slowly and when they finally did the kissing and the getting together, it moved way too fast. They were together for what, 1 month at the most and he knows he loves her? I'm very skeptical. The ending absolutely sucked in the worst way possible. It was a happy ending and all that but... gah... I just can't explain it, you just have to see the movie to understand...
Anyway, I found out that Jason and Susan got together on Saturday. I didn't find out until Tuesday. It seemed like everyone knew about it except me. I heard of their get together from Zuri... and from her blog, not even from an IM message. I was disappointed to find out that I was one of the last to know, at least it seems that way. It seems that I'm never the first to tell. Nobody comes to me to share their joy. Oh well, it's for the best, because I'm not sure that I would've been jumping for joy if Susan told me.
Besides the fact that I'm jealous, I just feel like she's taken Jason away from me... not in a boyfriend/girlfriend way, but it seemed like Jason and I were finally getting to be good friends. I could count on him to talk with and be understanding and he would listen and possibly relate. Now that he has a girlfriend, he won't really focus on what I have to say. I don't know why I even tried in the first place. It's all just so dumb.
I thought that I wanted a boyfriend, but I don't. The concept seemed to be about having a boyfriend, but it's just that I want somebody to love, but what am I thinking? I don't need someone to come to my life and screw it up... to flip it upside down. I keep hoping life would be a TV show or a movie, where something exciting could happen one day and maybe my life won't be so ordinary, but if I end up anything like what happens in the movies, it seems like only devastation would arise. Why would I want a boyfriend to take away everything I've achieved?
And I admit it, I'm not a boyfriend type of gal... I'm not even a friend type of gal! I'm horrible with friends... if there's anything I've learned about myself, it's that. I handle friends so immaturely, and I runaway from them and to someone else, when there's any signal of trouble. I can't have close friends because they never seem to last and I'm always looking at the past. I'm just not a friend person... I always end up hurt or I end up huting them, I'm not a very compatable person. I used to think I was, but now I'm not so sure. Lately, I've been wanting to open up to Zuri, but I'm not sure that's such a good idea. I think that it would only end in heartbreak for one of us, so I'm not gonna bother with it.
I can't wait to get outta here. I don't want to be here... I don't want to live in Norwalk. I want to be somewhere new, where nobody knows me and I do and be whatever I want. I just so want to be on my own already... but before I can do that, I need to score well on my SATs, finish my summer English project (so behind on that), get good GPAs, pass some AP tests, and get accepted somewhere out of this state.
It's so scary thinking about being a senior. This is it. No more regrets, because after this, high school is over... and that by far is the scariest thing I think I've ever had to say... to actually experience that, that must be so mind blowing... I can't even contemplate. I'm not saying high school has been the best years of my life, but it sure as fuck has been something incredible. All the learning experiences are just so tremendous, again, I'm just totally in awe.
But... one thing, one decision, one thought at a time.