What I've done in the past 3 days, all I've done (basically managed to accomplish) is read. You say that's not a bad thing... well, the books I've been reading, to me, are so interesting that I read till 4am in the morning (last night till 5 am) and then I wake up late and half the day's gone.
What's even more dangerous about the books is that even after I stop reading, I think about it and sometimes I get lost in a character that I forget who I am. And then when I do remember, I think about how much it sucks that I am not the person in the book.
Unfortunately, even worse so, they are all romance book, and I get so lost in it. What's addicting about it is that when you read certain moments in the book, it just makes your heart melt, and you feel like you're in love. You feel giddy inside. It's like Sweet N Low. It's not real sugar, but it's used as sugar substitute. Sometimes I wonder if these books were specifically written for people like me. I'm so tired of feeling so goddamn lonely all the time. I so wish that I was feeling giddy or my heart melted because it was because of a guy, not because of a book.
But who am I kidding? I'm horrible with friends, and I'm definitely no better at relationships. And the truth is, that in the end I will end up getting hurt. At least in the books I read, a happy ending is involved.
Anyway... when it comes to romance book, I'm so downright picky too. I need one with some other plots involved... for if it's soley romance, it doesn't give the full effect... take "A Walk to Remember", it was an okay book, and easy to get through, but I didn't like it because it was purely romance. The kind of romance books I like, have to have some kind of subplot going on, or the romance part is the subplot. And generally, I love, absolutely love it when one of them fucks up the relationship. Not something so bad that's unfixable like cheating, but like something minor, because the reader knows that the lovers will rekindle, and getting back together just turns it into the whole "aww..." thing. You know what I'm talking about. And I absolutely love that feeling. I want to feel the "aww..." because it's my relationship, not over a fucking book. However, had it been my relationship, that'd be a whole different story. Fuck it if the guy messed up... and if I did... well fuck that too. Anyway, the beauty of being an author is the different possiblities of the manipulation of all events. To me, that's fucking amazing. There's no limit. That's the beauty of it all.
That's what makes me want to be an author. I love being able to use my imagination to create and mold anything I want to... but reading, fuck. Reading is dangerous as hell. Reading puts me into another realm, where I can become the character. And what's even more dangerous about it is the wonderful feeling I get when I imagine myself as another character, because when I'm someone else, I am impeccable... flawless. And what's more amazing is that I have everything I want. All it takes is for me to think it. That's the power of an imagination.
It's dangerous.