Well, since I haven't bitched in a long time... here's some bitching now... Mr. Allen pissed me off again today, he's always picking on me... just because I play viola and I have experience on the violin, he picks on MEEH! Esther is like right there but noooooooooo, he doesn't care about Esther, it's all MEEH! So then I get pissed, but not so pissed to talk back, and so I play the voila... Andrea is real nice by the way, she's a good violinst. You know, at first I didn't like her. She's a real attention whore (she's not a whore, but that's what you would call her) cause she is just like that, she's real preppy, hyper, and happy and she's all about optimism. Anyway... she's okay now, I'm used to her. She's got a real nice attitude, though I don't think I gave her a real great first impression. Ohlie wells. So then anyway,
*Ohhhh shit!!!! Those stupid guests are here... no... you can't leave me with the rapist... no, not the rapist. No, no, no... wait... is he even here? I don't know if he's here. Let's hope not... well, they'll take the attention away from me... I have everyone right now* /P>
Mr. Allen pisses me off. Oh well, at least after the break, he left me alone. Of course, that could be because he might've known that I wasn't playing, although I thought it was obvious. Anyway, while I was playing, Jason came along and bitched at me. Well, I don't think he was trying to bitch at me, but it pissed me off (for the while), he was like, "why don't you guys play your own drums and learn your parts for the show?" or something like that... and I was just like, "I don't feel like it, ok??" Well, I was thinking that. Jesus... I hate bossy people. So then he left, and I was just like, "argg!!! Mind your own business" but I didn't say anything... except one sentence of bitching, which I don't remember what I said... Gosh, I was just trying to have a little fun, like a little break because I was annonyed with Mr. Allen telling me to play voila, then he comes along and he's like, do this! Talk about bad time... yah, I get Jason's trying to be a good section leader thing, yah, he'd fit perfectly into one of those army things, cause he's bossy and they all hate him for being bossy. That's why I would suck as a leader, cause I'm not bossy, I'm about caring and having fun. I guess that makes me lose... well sorry! I'm just gonna be me, DEAL.
If that isn't bad enough... I'm already pissed at myself enough as it is, cause I don't get enough sleep and I never get anything done. I'm just a stupid... arg...!! Man, I feel like the shits, I wish I could cuss out loud to everyone so I'd feel better, but I can't cause people in the house would hear me... and now there's guest in the house.. waaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! You fuccccccccccckkkkers!!!!! ... That didn't help... well, anyway, I gotta read like 6 pages for AP bio (front and back), but I'm even more worried aobut that book, "The Good Earth," mostly cause it's a library book, I have to return it on Monday, I could always renew it, but i'm going to be gone... I'm just afraid that if I come back the same book that I used before won't be there, and if it's not... then the page number's gonna all be off. I wouldn't know whether to relook for them in the new copy or wait until the old copy is back... argg... sorry, it sucks, because I am a neat freak. If you think about it logically, why would any teacher even look at the page numbers? I'm not paranoid about this, I'm just strict about it. It sucks being me...
I'm not managing my time very well... actually, I'm real scared about when school starts. I didn't manage my time very well last year, but I was in depression, so I didn't know that I was in depression. I didn't get much sleep during the beginning of the year. I don't know how I managed it. I went to sleep at like 2 and got up at 7... gosh you won't believe how many times I was late. It was weird because I fell into this trance and I didn't realize how much better life could be. Sometimes, I wish I still didn't know. I really wish I didn't know it could be better; you know what you're missing out on if you know. Gosh, I'm so scared this year. I got AP bio now... god, I think I need someone to help me... but the sad part is, no one can help me; they can try, but it won't help me. The only one that can help me is myself, which gets me even more scared. But the thing is, I don't think I've ever felt strong, I haven't felt that strong in a real long time, and I'm just like "bring it on". I might not be ready, but I don't think I can prepare any better.
I don't think I'm going back to China, I'm not sure at all... if I don't go, there's 2 advantages... 1- I won't have to worry about my mom trashing my mail... 2- I can renew "The Good Earth" and finish it off early, but there's some disadvantages... I won't get to buy junk there, stuff there's real cheap... I guess I kinda want to see my relatives. My aunt spoils me ^_^ it's real tyte. Well, I would like to see what China looks like, I haven't seen it in 10 years... I would love to ride a plane again! heheHehEh...
Ireally should be studying... damn, notice the word "should" it really bites... should... haha... what a joke. It's all BS...
Oh yah. Due to SAT testing, we're not allowed to drum tomorrow and Thursday... even more BS!! Oh yah, the sub for Mr. Seko was talking about SAT and junk and I feel so clueless, sometimes I feel like I'm the only one that is so lost in this foresaken world. I think it's just me. I wish I knew more about SATs and colleges and when to apply for them and that junk. Sometiems I feel like I'm going nowhere and that my very well be because I am going nowhere... I wish someone could hear me... help me...
I am in *staRfucKeRs, inc.*