I've been having weird dreams for the past some weeks. I'm pretty sure that I have mentioned this before but I often have dreams where I'm hunted. Something is constantly trying to get me... trying to kill me, but I don't know why and I never know who. In the dream, I'm never scared. I may be running, but I'm never scared. I try to fight back with my own weapon, if it's permitted... but I am never scared. Because I'm never scared, I've never been scared after I wake up either.
However, ever since that first day in psychology class (that I dropped by the way because my schedule is finally fixed), I cannot forget what the teacher has said. She said that with enough study, we can control our dreams. Then she asked the class if we ever had a dream about being chased. Of course I said yes. Then she said, what if you could stop, turn around and see what you're running from? And I thought, "why?" It seemed to me that I was actually enjoying these dreams of being chased.
A few days later, which is about last week, I started having dreams again. The first two were about being chased... but I do not remember exactly what happened. The other dreams I was in, they weren't very nice either. It was raining, very hard... and I was isolated. I'm always isolated when I'm being chased. The weird thing was that I recognize the area after I woke up, because I've been there before in my dreams... at least it feels that way. Why is that? A few days ago, for a second there, I was actually afriad to go to sleep. That's really scary because I've never felt that way. Why now? What changed? What the hell happened?
Another thing that's been on my mind is this guy named Andrew. I thought he was cute last year when I first met him as a 8th grader. Yes, isn't it sad that he's only 14? He's a freshman and a I'm a fricking senior... and I have a crush on him. *Sigh* But then again, our class really sucks. Nobody at our school in the class of 05 is cute. I'm really beginning to know Andrew. I'm still infatuated with him, but I think I'm going to get over him. I've only known him a 2nd day (really well, that is) and there's things about him that I don't like. Plus, I think he sees me as one of the guys. *Sigh* That's how everyone sees me as. I'm always one of the guys. I don't blame them though. I definitely do not act like one of the girls.
A pleasing comment was sent my way from Daphine, this girl in pit (from band). She said that I was really honest so she never doubts my lying to her. I really appreciate that she noticed. I think that most people don't get me or the way I am. People don't appreciate how honest I am, because they can only see it negatively. I just tell it like it is and it seems like some people can't handle it. I do agree that sometimes I do not know when to keep my mouth shut. I'm perhaps a little too honest. People generally know when I like someone and when I don't. When I wanna be nice, I will be, but I can also be so mean, cynical and kind of a sadist. This is just the way I am. I don't expect you to like it, but if you want to be friends, then deal with it. I mean, if you want to be my friend, then surely you must like some part of me.
Anyway, my cynical part of me generally provides good humor.
I just wish that I had more time on my hands right now. Sometimes I do have time, but I waste it all away on TV or sleeping, sometimes the internet, but that's really rare now because everyone seems to be hogging it and my mom is always kicking me off because she wants me to study for the SATs (not that I blame her). Anyway, only two more weeks and then I'm done with that... then I have to worry about SAT II. What a great tradeoff, eh? (That was a sarcasm by the way) Well, see ya later.
Word: churlish (adj) - vulgar
What do you consider churlish: fuck, shit, crap, all of them or none?