I was called to the office during 6th period by my counselor to talk about my credits. Obviously, I have more than enough to graduate so that was that. I asked him for a copy of my transcript. After school, I calculated my GPA... 3.69, that's so depressing because it's so low... for me, I mean. I could do so much better... My weighted GPA is 3.98. That's pathetic... I didn't even pass 4.0. That gets me so depressed. I tried to get Mrs. Royer to raise one of my Bs in chemistry to an A, but she wouldn't since I didn't pass my AP test. I didn't really expect her to change it anyway, so I don't know why I asked. In the end, I just got myself more depressed. I should've gotten a 4 on that test, and that pisses me off so much. I know I was capable of it, so why didn't I work harder? Why was I so stupid to let myself go like that... at that last minute? Why didn't I push myself harder? Why do I have so little self-control?
I don't know why but while I was playing the piano, I was thinking about how much pressure I have been under lately. I've been thinking about how stressed I am, and I really think that nobody is as stressed as I am right now. And I thought about killing myself because that stress was that great. I really do hate the stress, but I'm still hanging on. The scary thing is, what if the stress is too much and I let go because I stop caring?
*Sigh* Life is just so depressing all of a sudden. I wish I had someone to talk to and confide in, but a lot of the times, I just don't know who to turn to. I guess a lot of the time, I just feel so lost. Maybe I'm just in the motion and not really going anywhere. I guess the truth is, I don't really care. I'm living day to day, but how does any day differ from the rest? It doesn't really matter I guess...