I was really happy... until I talked to my mom a few seconds ago.

I'll back up for a second and talk about yesterday first though.

It turns out that I was a lot more worried about this Eric and I thing then I thought. I think it really does bug me that we're not together. I told him that and I told him what I think might happen. If I start building stress with all these negative thoughts, I could totally change into another person and just totally turn on him I guess. He's scared that it would happen and I think for awhile we thought about stopping, but then like I said, we're both in too deep to stop now. He says he's willing to risk our friendship over this us thing right now. I'm not sure if I'm happy about that or not. It means that he wants this... more than our friendship. I feel the same way though. I want to risk it. I think it's worth the risk.

We also talked about some other stuff. In the end, it turned out well. We're not together but... it's just a matter of time, I'll just put it that way. I guess it would be more rewarding that way. I like a lot about the way things are right now. I can control my feelings and my expectations better. Hmm... that makes me wonder if we'll be too scared at that point to ever take the leap. I hope that doesn't happen... but yeah, I've been thinking a lot about our situation and I realized that it's not that bad. There's a lot of ups. Anyway, I'm okay with this. We're good.

So the depressing thing.

Ms. Royer asked me today if I would like to house sit for her while she was away during winter break. All I would have to do is stay over at her house during the night and feed her two pets. In return I get about $100, food, and be away from home at night.

It sounds great, right? Nothing could go wrong!

Wrong. Of course I had to ask my mom for permission for this, because she would notice if I wasn't at home in the morning. I asked her just now, and she said it was okay... until she thought about the fact that I would be all alone in a house... and then she said that she should go with me and that grandma should go too and it would be a good experience... What the fuck is that? As soon as I heard that, I got so fucking disappointed. The whole point of this is so that I don't have to see her, but she just fucking invites herself along anyway, saying how she doesn't think it's safe or whatever. If she's gonna go, then I almost don't want to do this house sitting thing, because that's half the reason I want to do it... but I would still do it because I want the $100.

Damn, I was really hoping to maybe invite a couple of friends over and just hang out and talk or something... I don't know, but I wanted to do something with my friends, but with my mom there, I could do that at home... it loses the whole fucking purpose. I don't know... I've still got some time to convince her out of coming though. I need to think of a good excuse. If you could help me out with a reason as to why she shouldn't go, you should totally leave me a comment. God, I fucking hate her. I hope she comes to her senses. I'm almost 18... I can take care of myself. I won't be around when I'm in college anyway. I have to learn to take care of myself and all that. God, she pisses me off. Why does she ruin everything?

I'm so fucking depressed now. God, I swear when I heard about the house sitting, I was so happy and I couldn't stop smiling... now I'm so fucking depressed. *Sigh* Nothing ever goes my way.

Oh yeah, new layout. It's lyrics from the NIN song, "Piggy".