I was kind of awake when I went to school this morning, but then I fell asleep near the end of the 1st period. I fell asleep in 2nd period as well. Third period I was awake and did some math homework. I couldn't seem to sleep in Engilsh though, but I fell asleep again in 5th period.
After school, Eric and I went to Subway and we barely scraped up enough money. We had a coupon for this buy one get one free deal, but I didn't have any money so Eric paid for all of it. I love Subway...
I took Eric home and we talked a little bit more. Everytime he's near me, I can smell his scent so well. I don't know why it's so strong now. Most of the time we keep the same distance that we used to have, but I guess it's as if my nose recognizes Eric by scent. I think because I like his scent so much, my nose naturally keeps a look out for it.
You know what I really like about this not being together thing most of all? It's that I don't feel pressured to spend time with him at school. Hmm... I think that with all this crazy thinking going on in my head right now, it would be 10 times worse if I actually got with him. Right now, all I can worry about is not being with him, if I were with him, I would worry about so many other things. It would never end.
My mom said that my dad doesn't want me to house sit Mrs. Royer's house at all. My dad's really overprotective of me. He's always been this way, but what he wants generally doesn't happen. So if I really wanted to do this (and I do), what he thinks won't stop me. My mom hasn't really given me an answer about spending the nights with me. She also brought up the fact that they wanted to go on Christmas break to Las Vegas or something and then she asked me if I was going and I said "I guess not." I don't think that they would go though if I do house sit. I know her pretty well.
I'm almost 18, why am I being treated like a child where I don't need to be and treated as an adult when I shouldn't be? Why is she such a hypocrit? Everything she says and does contradict each other. I don't ever know what I'm supposed to do anymore. Everything that comes out of her mouth just really pisses me off...
The other thing is that Mrs. Royer only has one bed in her house so if my mom does decide to come along, I would have to actually sleep in the same bed as her, and that would bug me the most out of all of this. I haven't slept in the same bed with her since I was like 7 or something. She might make me lie right besides her or she might hold me or something... that would really creep me out. I don't know how I'm going to sleep if that happens. God, I don't want to be anywhere near her.
I guess this is really sad that I'm talking about my mom this way, but I can't help how I feel about her anymore. Everything she does just really pisses me off. She can't understand me and I can't relate to her. I don't know why she even bothers anymore. I'm a lost cause. Everything she does pisses me off more and more. I wish she would just let me be. Doesn't she see that it's too late? It's too late for me... for us.