It was really good to talk to Nancy again. We were really bonding and talking about old times and that made me feel good. It makes me really want to hang out with her, but I wonder if we're ready for that. On the one hand, while I was driving Eric home, he was quiet. I don't know if he has just spacing out or if it was something else. It was really weird. That doesn't normally happen. That gets me worried. When he left the car, he didn't give me a hug or a kiss. Nothing. Just a wave, but he always waves. I guess it could've been that he was in a hurry to see if he's friends were there... But I guess, I think his mind was totally elsewhere. And I swear that I think we're drifting. I don't know how that's possible since it's only been like a week. I guess I just feel like our bond isn't as strong as it was before... and stuff like that totally worries me. I'm just always so worried. When I think, I get myself worried, but when I'm with other people, I'm so carefree. I don't care about things as much as I should. Anyway, the thought that we're drifting... things like that make me wanna break things off between us. Why do I feel like giving up so easily? I always feel like giving up when it comes to something like that. I wish I understood why I would be willing to fight so hard on some things, but I would give up on something I want so much.
The thing is though that I know I would totally regret ending things between us. I know how he would react if I told him something like this. He would get angry probably and do irrational things. I don't want to be hurt like that so I'm just gonna keep my insecurity to myself. I'm just gonna shut my mouth, because in the end, I really do want to be with him and reasonably speaking, I have to fight to stay with him no matter how much I want to give up because I know this is what I want.
I really miss him... that's all I know now. That's all I can say.