I told Eric everything last night and I'm so glad I did. I told him how I felt, how I constantly had thoughts about breaking up and all of that. I didn't hold back at all. Eric says that he kinda saw that in me too and it's better for me to tell him how I feel otherwise he starts imagining things, really bad things... and he starts to give up, I guess. Anyway, I just know I'm not gonna be like before. I totally need to do my part in this relationship if I want to make it work.

It kinda reminds me of the relationship Nancy and I had where I did all the work and Nancy was just kinda quiet. That totally ended badly, so I'm not gonna be like that. For Eric, I would do anything to save what we have because I love him so much.

I'm making a list of rules or guidelines for me to follow by so that I can learn to be with him better. So that I can control my thoughts and my feelings a little better, because I know that I can't always be like this. I really don't want to be scared of going to sleep every night, wondering if I'll wake up wanting to divorce my husband just because he can't find his briefcase, so I decided, I'm not gonna be like that. I don't want to be that kinda person... and these rules will help me change that part of myself. I don't want to be this unfair person to everyone and myself. I'm sick of it and you know what, I'm not gonna put up with it.

We had another fight, I think... if that's what you wanna call it. He got pissed at me, which I was okay with compared to him keeping it inside and building up that feeling and having him hate me. I think this is really healthy for us. We get stronger everytime we have a dispute. And in the end, we always work it out. We talk it out and then we're happy again. In those seconds or minutes we're unhappy though, they are the worst ever... but knowing how I'm gonna feel after it's all worked out, I know it's all worth it.

lob0tomy signed off at 9:37:37 PM.
lob0tomy signed on at 10:46:01 PM.
lob0tomy (10:46:19 PM): hey
darkanGelz5 (10:46:24 PM): Hi
darkanGelz5 (10:46:29 PM): it's 11 almost
lob0tomy (10:46:36 PM): I just wanted to tell you again that I love you before I go to sleep
lob0tomy (10:46:39 PM): haha
lob0tomy (10:46:41 PM): I really do
lob0tomy (10:46:41 PM): ok
lob0tomy (10:46:42 PM): good night
darkanGelz5 (10:46:43 PM): lol
lob0tomy (10:46:43 PM): bye
darkanGelz5 (10:46:45 PM): I love you too
darkanGelz5 (10:46:49 PM): g'night
lob0tomy signed off at 10:46:52 PM.

I love my Eric.