The reason I'm updating so early is because later I'm going out with Eric to do something. I don't even know what because everything we plan (if you call asking one another to do something the day before planning that is) to do something, we get really indecisive. We never know what we want to do. We just ask the other what she/he wants and say that we're up for anything. It's kinda bad I guess, but we're in that phase where it seems cute... I wonder if later on, it would burden us. I mean, even when we go to a restaurant, it takes us awhile to finally decide on something. The waiter/waitress has to come about 3 times before giving up and we have to call them when we're ready.
Anyway, I rambled on... my point is that we're both indecisive so I don't know what we're doing tonight. The most likely thing is a movie and food. I would really like the food idea because I just really feel like talking to him. I feel like I haven't really talked to him in so long. I guess that seems kinda resonable because we've been kind of drifting this week. Man, I really missed him, so much.
I never thought that I would become one of those sappy girls that write about this kinda stuff about a guy, but I guess there's a first time for everything.
My attitude and perspective have completely changed. I learned a lot about the way I was this week. I didn't really realize that I wasn't very caring. I mean, I knew how I was being, but it totally didn't make me want to change. I guess all I could think was that Eric was trying harder than I was, but I never thought to use that as an incentive to care more. I didn't realize how wrong (for a lack of a better word) that was. Our relationship just won't work if Eric is the only one trying, and I'm just watching it happen. I know that now. I don't know... I just wish I could express how I changed my perspective better, but I don't know how to say it. It's kinda like I started opening my eyes... And I definitely started opening my heart.
I think that I'm falling in love now, but I don't really care. I don't think about the possibility of pain. I just know that this is great. I just know that I love the idea of falling in love with Eric and no matter what happens in the end, I don't care right now. I'm willing to take the risk.
My rules/guidelines are almost done. I might post it up when I'm done. I've had no bad thoughts today at all. Everytime I think about him, about us, I space out and just smile. It's a reflex.