I think it was 4am. I don't even remember and I wish that I did. I wished that I had remembered that moment to every detail, but you caught me completely off guard.
We've talked about this before, but you were never sure and you never wanted to say it unless you were sure, which was perfectly fine with me, but I guess I already knew how I felt otherwise I wouldn't have kept thinking it in my head. I wanted to say it, so many times, but I don't think that it was right to say it. It felt like a right moment, but...
On that Saturday morning, that was the best present I could've gotten... probably the only thing I wanted anyway. I'm sure it was definitely enough being in your arms. I love your holding me. I remember the exact position... I'll always remember lying in bed next to you... with my head on your right chest and your arms over my shoulders.
I had just woken up and it was silent. I liked the silence I guess because we didn't need to say anything and we'd understood each other. And then you broke the silence.
"I love you."
It was kind of whispered as if it was only for me to hear and even though there wasn't anyone else in the room, it was only for me. For a second, I wasn't sure that I had heard right. Did you just say what I think you said or had I thought it in my head? I knew it was the former, because I wasn't thinking about that during that moment. Of all the perfect moments you could've picked to say it, that could not have been at a more right time.
What had you been thinking of while I was asleep? I know you weren't sleeping because you've told me that you have a hard time falling asleep. You even told me later on that for the most part, you were awake. Were you just thinking about that the whole time? Were you thinking deeply about whether you loved me?
What's so amazing is that in all the moments that I woke up, I hadn't moved my position at all. It was as if I knew to always stay there because that's exactly where I belong.
I'll always remember the seconds leading up to that moment. And the seconds of disbelief after it. I lifted my head up and I said, "what did you say?" but without even waiting for a reply, I kissed you. And when I put my head back where it belonged, I said, "I love you too."
And I wish I could be 100% sure of everything in this entry, but I'm just not sure of the events of the moment. For all I know, some parts were only the figment of my imagination, but it doesn't matter because only one thing mattered and that was that he told me he loved me.