My birthday is in exactly 2 weeks. I'm really depressed about that because I don't think I'm ready to turn 18, but it's not like I have much say in that, do I? I can't stop time so it's just gonna come. Oh well. I hope that nobody remembers my birthday though. I've never really cared for my birthday ever since my 16th one, I just kinda gave up on that. I guess, I just don't think it's a big deal anymore. Who wants to be older? Only those that are young, but I would want to be young forever.

Remember how I said Chris IMed me... I haven't spoken to him since that day. I guess things between us totally haven't changed. I don't know if I was expecting a change or not, but I guess I kind of always hope in the back of my head even though I already know what's gonna happen. Oh well. So things are back to normal with that.

Remember Fyto? I haven't talked to him in a long ass time, but lately I've been signing onto my old sn, xperfectxdrug, and he left me a message today. He's been trying to IM me for awhile now, but I've been away a lot, but anyway today he left a message that said: "hey ana, i miss the hell out off you. i would like to go out with you one of these days but you are always busy. i hope that you'll send me an email and tell me that you want to see me, live and direct, and me telling you beutiful things, because you really deserve it for being a great person. i rememer alot about you, even if it has been a year since i last saw you. i remember going to your house and not finding you there. take care, where ever you are my chinese princess. see you later." That surprised me so much. One of the things I liked so much about Fyto was that he was so direct with me. He's still so direct. He was a really sweet guy, but he just lives so far away and I'm glad that I have Eric. I think that if I was with Fyto, I wouldn't be able to stand being apart from him so much. So I'm glad I didn't go down that road and torture myself like that. I would however, like to see him and hang out. He's so cool.

I think sometimes that I feel threathened by Asil and anyone else that may like Eric, but a lot of the times I think about how I have Eric and nobody else does and somehow that just makes it all better. I guess it's because deep down inside, I know I have nothing to worry about because I know that Eric loves me. I know how much he cares about me and wants to be with me. And I guess that's more than enough to chase away my bad thoughts. I've realized that as long as I love Eric and I'm confident in my love for him, then I know that he feels the same and I feel like I can do anything and then I'm just surrounded by bliss. I just hope it lasts for a very long time.