01.23.05
#911 - In every way

randomlayout / my designs

greed

lust

pride

I talked to Eric some hours ago and I take back what I said in my previous entry because he brought up a good point. If I said that we should do it when we get together then it would seem as if when he wanted to get together, it would only be because he wanted to do it. I totally hadn't thought about that, so I take back what I said. I guess the truth is, I was just scared. Eric reassured me though that he definitely will not push anything on me that I'm not ready for and I know for sure after talking to him that he's with me because he loves me and not for sex like I panic-ly thought because of my mom... and I guess even though we're a physical couple, oh well.

I guess I've danced around this subject a lot now, going back and forth about whether I'm okay with this. I guess truth be known, I would like it if the physical side weren't so much on overdrive all the time. Sometimes I don't like the idea that I get turned on so much because then I don't feel like I'm in control anymore and the thought of losing control scares me.

I've realized that I was wrong about Eric in another way though. Remember yesterday I mentioned that Eric wasn't interested in the things that I do? Well... we went to Nickel Nickel yesterday, this arcade place. I told him that I didn't have a lot of money so he paid for us to get in ($7, cheaper than movies) and we ended up staying there till 10:30. We played air hockey and for once, I actually beat him. Of course then we went for round two, and he beat me. Then we played a lot of the free games. But Eric had purchased $3 worth of nickels so we had to play the games that cost nickels, but we had a hard time deciding which ones to play so that's why we ended up staying there for as long as we did.

After awhile I wanted to play DDR but I felt like I should use my own money because for some reason I felt like Eric wouldn't approve of my playing with his money a game like that, but Eric saw me going through my wallet I guess because then he handed me the pack of nickles and I took 8 out (40 cents for DDR) and I played and I lost on the second round. Yeah, I know - it's depressing, but it was because I accidently sped up the music by 20%. I didn't know I could do that. Plus, I was wearing flip flops. I tried barefeet but that hurt my feet... Anyway after that we played some more free games and such. After awhile Eric began being pretty persistant with the whole pick-which-game-you-want-to-play thing because he kept asking me what I want to play and the truth was I didn't know what to play. I'm indecisive, he knows that. We passed by this game with a keyboard on it and I was supposed to hit certain keys at certain time and Eric told me to play it. I said that I would lose for sure and he said no way and he had me try. I knew I would lose because I've played it before and it's not as easy as it looks despite that I've played piano for 7 years. It's a totally different story on that game. Despite that I always knew that Eric knew I played piano, it just made me feel better that he made that apparant I guess.

After that I said I wanted to play this other game where you have move your hand over this round thing at a certain beat. (You notice most of these games are DDR-ish?) I played that for a round and while playing it, Eric comes up behind me and holds me. I love it when he does that, but I think he noticed that I lost my concentration so he let me go. After I defeated the whole 5 songs, Eric put in another 12 nickels (6 per person) and we played together. He's totally uncoordinated, but it means a lot to me that he tried it because I liked that game. He ended up having fun, which is all the better.

After that I went back to DDR because I saw this person leaving it. I lost on Dam Dariram, this song I have been trying to beat for the longest time. Still no luck. Then I think Eric handed me the nickels as a gesture to try again and I said, "but it cost 8 nickels" and he just said "so?" I don't know why, but that meant a lot to me. DDR is the most expensive game in the whole arcade. It just means a lot that Eric would be cool with spending a lot of money (well, not really but you know out of all the other games, I guess it is) on a game that I like but he doesn't. I asked him to try it but he said that he couldn't because he had hurt his knees the other day. I wonder if that meant that he would've done it had it not been for his knees. I guess I might ask him later. I don't know, it just means a lot that he would try because it's something I'm into.

Man, Eric's so great, in every way.


sloth

envy

wrath

gluttony