I've noticed something about my mom and that is that she thinks a lot. I guess that's one of the few things that we do have in common. I know she thinks because his morning she gave me another mini lecture. She asked me if I had gone to the movies alone with Eric and I knew that if I answered no she would see right through me so I just said yes. She called me stupid again (surprise, surprise) and said that I shouldn't go to the movies alone with him. The reason for this is, if someone liked me and saw that I was going to the movies alone with him then that person would think Eric and I were together so I would lose my opportunity to be with that person. That kinda made me want to tell her about the truth between Eric and I, but I knew better. I didn't say anything. After this mini lecture she asked me what I would do from now on (what I've learned from this lecture) and I stated that I wouldn't go to the movies with only Eric and if someone invited me to go to the movies, I should go as a group.

Of course, I don't plan to follow this but I say it to please her. Then she said something that really pissed me off. "Good. We don't associate with those people that are 'unworthy'". WE? Excuse me, but did you say WE? I wish I could translate the word better, but it's not really that they're unworthy, but well, the literal translation means that you can't even look at this person (because they are unworthy or such an embarrassment. Imagine spitting at a loser... that's kind of the connotation. Anyway, what she said really pissed me off, because it was so not true. She doesn't associate with "those kind of people" and she doesn't want me to, but who I hang out with is none of her business. I don't mind talking to "those people" because I like the way those people are. It's not like I'm doing drugs. It really pissed me off that she said that.

Anyway, I realized today that I'm one of those people that she doesn't want me to hang out with. If she saw the way I behaved in class, she would find it appalling. I'm loud ("Girls should be quiet"), I hug a lot of people ("I'm easy"), talking about sex doesn't bother me ("have you no shame?"), I call one of my teachers "lady" ("You have no respect"), I drink other's liquids without waterfalling ("You freeload?" "Think of the germs you're contracting!"). That's only the beginning. I do a lot of things that she thinks that I don't do. The truth is, I just don't really care what she thinks of me anymore. I'm not all that bothered.

I just can't wait to get outta here because I'm tired of her redundant lectures. I don't really learn anything anymore. I guess before I could retain some of the things she said, now I just listen but my mind totally rejects any of her ideas.

Anyway, my point was that my mom thinks too much. She wouldn't have thought about the movie thing unless she was thinking some more last night. I'm really scared that she'll think even more and come to the conclusion that I do like Eric because that's totally where this will lead her if she thinks about it. I will have to deny it though. I hope I can do it. Anyway, I'm just gonna try to stop thinking so much from now on. Thinking leads to all kinds of trouble and I think I'd rather just be blindly blissful.