Gah... now it's really bothering me to see my layout. I really, really need to change it. I've pretty much accepted that Eric and I over... but sometimes the other parts of me refuses to cooperate. Sometimes I smell soap and it reminds me of him because he smelled like soap a lot. And then sometimes, when I give him a ride home, I smell him too. It pisses me off. I told him that I was over him, but I only did that because I realize that he was treating me with caution. He didn't want to say pretty things to get my hopes up or bad things to depress me... I pretty much am over him in the fact that I accept the way things are. Sometimes, I want to hug him, as a friend, not more than that, but I get too scared to ask. And I know that a hug wouldn't mean anything more than it is... I've just really been into hugging lately, because I feel like I need the support.

It's hard to deal with this break up because I think it's so much easier if maybe, I could hate him. Then maybe I could get over him faster... but it's not like that. I want to remain friends with him, and I wonder if maybe that's what's causing me to falter in getting over him faster. And I realize right now, I'm so not ready to get into a relationship with anybody. I wouldn't be able to give him my all, and that makes me wonder if Eric could. I don't understand how he could just get over me so fast... and I wonder if he's just suffering inside and not saying anything... because really, Eric was always good at hiding his feelings, a lot better than me... but then again, I'm horrible at hiding feelings.

I'm just torn apart from trying to be really good friends with him or not... I think not being really good friends with him hurts me friendship-wise, but I wonder if being close friends would help me get over him... and I really think that it would make it worse in that case.

I think about Eric almost too much. I don't know if it's normal and that kinda bothers me... but it's mostly things that we did in the past. I think about all the things we did and the fun we had. And I just think about how much that sucks that we can't do that anymore... or at least some of it. Whatever... I need to clean my room. Good day and good bye.

Oh yeah, thanks for all those notes... and I do agree that a diary should not be written for an audience... I just... it's hard to explain... another time when I'm not so busy.