It's been a long time since I last wrote. I don't know why I'm writing in here. If anything, it's because I'm bored. I don't really see the point of having this anymore, because everything I've got to say, I vent it out to my friends now and I like it better because I get more feedback. So if you wanted to hear what's going on in my life or hear my venting you can do so by IMing me at darkangelz5.

I'll just say briefly what's been going on in my life. So I found out a few days later after my last entry that Vivian and Eric have in fact gotten together and Eric was too scared to tell me pretty much because he wanted to protect me. He told me that during that April where I had cut myself and stuff he really believed that I was going to kill myself and he was scared that if he told me he was with Vivian I would kill myself. That's stupid on so many levels. First off, it pisses me off that I would kill myself because of such a thing, the getting with Vivian and the break up. I will never kill myself no matter what dumb shit I say. I'm stronger and better than that and honestly, Eric doesn't deserve my suicide. Nobody should really. Second, the whole idea is stupid... if he didn't tell me they were together, what if someone else told me? That makes it like 10 times worse. Didn't he learn anything from the former experience where I found out he was going to prom with Vivian from someone else? Eric's just a boy. He's just a boy. I'm sorry I had lost sight of that, because that's who he is. He makes boyish decisions. That's all that I can say to explain everything about him. I hate thinking about him, because it pisses me off. Whenever I think about him, I get so pissed off... And seeing Vivian, I have this hatred inside of me when I see her. It's weird though because when I see Eric, I act normal around him, despite my feelings for him... I don't know how I manage that because I tend to wear my feelings on my sleeves.

I don't talk to him online at all anymore and he never IM's me either. I guess we're still friends, but I just have so much anger towards him. I don't really care anymore about our friendship and I guess I learned from him that I should just let things be. I'll sit back and relax (about our friendship anyway) and see what happens. He keeps saying that we'll be alright and stuff but I don't really believe him, but at this point I don't care. If what he says is wrong, I won't be disappointed, and if what he says is right, it will be a pleasant surprise. But I just can't relax about what he did, the boyish decisions that he made. I may understand him, but it still pisses me off and just because I understand him, doesn't mean I have to be okay with this because I'm not. I no longer trust Eric anymore... and maybe I would've been better off never meeting him because he's causing me so much anger and it pisses me off.